Turkey and Porn

This is my November blog post for HeartSupport, a ministry of XXXChurch that helps people dealing with addictions. I blog monthly for them about my past with pornography addiction and how to break free from it. You can read this post below or at HeartSupport.com soon.

If you know someone who’s dealing with lust or porn issues, send them a link to this blog (copy and paste this link into an email: http://wp.me/pPotl-tyHUk) or to HeartSupport.com and pray for their healing. Pornography is a multi-billion dollar business that grips lives, and wrecks families and marriages. In the last 20 seconds that it took you to read these 2 paragraphs, $61,512.80 was spent on porn.

Yeah, it’s that big of a deal.

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Thanksgiving is quickly approaching and it’s a big day in America…and a small day for porn!

Statistically, Thanksgiving Day is the least popular day of the year for viewing porn.

That’s great and all, but it’s sad to think that the next day, the stats spike again. So I thought we’d take a look at a few things that make Thanksgiving Day so much different and how can we make the other 364 days of the year statistically more like Thanksgiving!

BROKEN ROUTINES

One thing that’s definitely different about Thanksgiving is broken routines. Thanksgiving Day (in America, at least) is much different than most of the other 364 days of the year. Most people have the day off of work, and the day is often focused on rest, football, cooking, eating, and/or napping. That combination makes for a pretty unique day of the year. Routines can be good…but they can also be bad.

Speaking from years of past porn addiction, I know all about the bad side of routines. You can get into a routine of going about your normal day, knowing that the opportunity will arise to get your porn fix some time during the day. There’s often a “normal” time for it to happen…

- you know when your boss normally goes to lunch, leaving you alone in the office

- you know how early to wake up or late to go to bed so that your spouse/parents will never know

- you know what time your spouse/parents get home from work so you can be logged off the computer and erase your internet history right in time to greet them at the door

One thing that could really aid in breaking your porn addiction is to break your routine. Make sure that you are occupied when you know that opportunity may arise: schedule a meeting, go to lunch, sleep in a little later or go to bed earlier, do some homework, go for a walk… Do whatever it takes to make sure you’re busy when that opportunity arises. Whatever sacrifice you have to make WILL be worth it!

FOCUSING ON THE POSITIVE

The idea behind the Thanksgiving holiday is found right in the name: giving thanks. Although Christians are commanded to be thankful in all circumstances, it comes very naturally on a day like Thanksgiving. Everyone is doing it, even most of the grouchy people!

Pornography sends the message that what you have isn’t fulfilling enough – you’re not thankful for what you have. Thankfulness and satisfaction in what God has provided for you can help kill porn.

Maybe what your lust-induced sickness needs is a healthy dose of thankfulness. Switching your mindset from the negative to the positive can be a good way to clear your mind and remember that God has blessed you – whether you feel like you have a little or a lot. When you feel the temptation arise to look at porn, take a minute to thank God for what you do have instead of lusting after what you don’t have.

FAMILY & FRIENDS

Another thing Thanksgiving Day often includes is a house full of family and friends. Families across America get together to celebrate, watch the game, and eat together. For some people, almost every room in the house has someone in it. That’s a great thing for partying and a bad thing for porn.

One thing that always ruins (in a good way) a chance to view porn is the presence of family and friends. Because of the guilt that naturally goes with viewing pornography, it’s normally done in a private setting, when no one is around.

For me, killing porn involved including others in my addiction. That doesn’t mean getting them hooked, it means letting them know you’re hooked. It involves honesty and humility – 2 things that aren’t comfortable for anyone, but necessary for everyone. There are lots of ways to include others…

- install X3Watch on all your computers (including your work computer), your iPhone, your iPad, or your Android phone

- share your struggle with a friend and ask them to be persistently praying for you and asking you about it

- put your computer in a place in the house where everyone can see what you’re looking at

- NEVER have a computer in your room or anywhere that you can be all alone…

For many of you, you need to make some of these changes NOW!

So here’s to a Happy Thanksgiving Day and an end to pornography addiction!

Can you think of any other ways that we can make all 365 days of the year statistically resemble Thanksgiving Day?

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I’m a pastor; and I use my past with porn to help others put porn in their past.

Preaching the Gospel Through a Wedding

I’ve done a handful of weddings and vow renewals so far in my years as a pastor. I once did a vow renewal for a couple’s 25th wedding anniversary, which we found out later it was actually only their 24th! So, we celebrated 24 great years instead of 25. I’ve gotten to do the weddings of some of my best friends, and even a couple of my former middle school students! In just a few weeks I’ll be performing my sister’s wedding, back in New Mexico! Weddings are always a blast to be a part of – it’s such an exciting day.

Last weekend at Awaken, I was a part of a very unique wedding: Eric & Liz Rejrat. I shared a bit of their story yesterday on my blog, so if you didn’t get to read that, you should – it will shed a whole new light on the wedding.

What I loved about this wedding was that it wasn’t just another event – the people of Awaken saw a need and an opportunity to minister to people, and they jumped at it. When Jenn and I sat down with Eric and Liz and talked about a wedding and what they’d need, my wife immediately went into wedding coordinator mode. Emails, phone calls, and texts went out to inform people of the need and how they could help.

The wedding went fantastic, of course. We had people show up at the church to help decorate for hours on Friday night before the rehearsal. Jenn ran the rehearsal that night, then we headed home, excited for the big day. Saturday morning rolled around, and although the wedding didn’t start till 2pm, people from Awaken were there a few hours early doing last-minute setup, cleaning, and food preparation. Lots of people who weren’t able to make it to the wedding dropped off dishes of food for the reception. We found out 15 minutes before the ceremony was supposed to start that Eric had forgotten the iPod at home, which had the 4 songs we needed for the ceremony. Never fear – Nate, our sound technician, and his trusty iPhone came to the rescue. He downloaded them and we were ready to go. 2 people from Awaken also volunteered their time and talent as the wedding photographers, so right after the ceremony, we headed to a nearby park for wedding pictures.

As I stood with Liz’s dad in the park toward the end of the photo shoot, I got a glimpse of ministry that was happening that I hadn’t even been aware of. I could see a few tears well up in his eyes as he thanked me for how the church had come together to help them with the wedding. He’s from Michigan, and he told me, “Churches in Michigan don’t behave this way. I’ve never seen anything like it.” He was unable to describe his thankfulness for the way the church rallied around Eric & Liz. I realized right then that the wedding had not only been a great way to meet some needs for Eric & Liz, but also to minister to their family. Many of their family members flew in for the wedding, but none of them know the Lord. I realized that although our focus had been on planning a wedding, we had also shared the Gospel with people by showing them what unity looked like.

In John 17:21, Jesus prays for the unity of all future believers (that includes us). He specifically says that if we will be united, the world will believe in Jesus. God can use our unity to help others believe in His identity! Incredible!

I love the people of Awaken Church and their heart to meet needs, but I was extra proud to be a part of that wedding and the seeds that were planted in hearts that day. It’s amazing what God can do when people selflessly meet needs and reach out to others!

A Story of Transformed Lives

Awaken had its very first wedding last Saturday. Eric & Liz became Mr. & Mrs. Eric Rejrat. It was an exciting day in many ways…

We met Eric & Liz in a park about a year and a half ago, right after we moved to Clarksville. We were grilling burgers and sharing the Gospel with people and he came to see what all the loud music was about. He ended up hanging out, then heading back and downloading the music we had been blasting that day (Lecrae: Rebel). During the following year, Liz and Eric went about their lives and had a baby while we started the church. They didn’t know where to find us until one day they saw our sign. The following Sunday, they showed up at Awaken for church. We talked a little about what was going on and that they wanted to get married. They came back next Sunday, September 19, but that day was the day everything changed – Eric gave his life to Jesus! Liz had made that same decision years before, but at that point, it became real. My wife and I sat down with them the following Friday and I told them that I wouldn’t be able to marry them because they were living together…unless something changed.

We talked through some options and they committed to sexual purity until the wedding day. So, for the 57 days leading up to the wedding, Eric gave up the comfort of their bed for the discomfort of the couch…and sometimes the floor. They committed to stay accountable to Jenn and I and to stop living like a married couple until they really were a married couple.

What Jenn and I witnessed over those 57 days was incredible. We watched a complete transformation in 2 individual lives and 1 couple. We watched as God began to shape them and their relationship into something that really honored Him. We watched true repentance as they recognized their sin and quickly began to live in a way that would honor the Lord. We met with them a few times over for some pre-marital counsel, and once they get settled in, we’ll sit down for a few more meetings.

Eric kept telling me his coworkers thought he was crazy. Of course they did. As they rattled off all the things they they did with their girls the night before, Eric told them he had met with his pastor and slept on the couch. They thought he was crazy, and he loved it.

Eric convinced his best man to come to church with him one Sunday and he rededicated his life to the Lord that morning!

It was a privilege to watch God transform lives that had been so far from him. It’s also so encouraging that we’re STILL seeing fruit from those first 2 months of ministry before the church opened its doors!

Stay tuned tomorrow for a post on how God used their wedding ceremony to plant seeds of the Gospel in the lives of their family members!

My November 16th Resolution

It’s November 16th – kind of a random date. It does happen to be the day before National Homemade Bread Day (Nov 17), and also the same day that Oklahoma entered the Union (1907), but nothing seems to really stand out too much about November 16.

We love holidays and days with special meaning or significance behind them. Because of that, we often base our actions around those dates, especially January 1 – New Year’s Day. It’s a day that makes us feel like starting over or doing something new or stopping an old habit. We call them “New Year’s Resolutions.”

Those are great and all, but here’s my question: Why wait around till January 1 to change something or do something new? Who made the rule that you need to do that? God doesn’t observe that tradition – His mercy is new every day!

Here’s the point: Don’t wait around till January 1 to break a habit or start a new one.

Tired of smoking? Why not quit today (or at least start the process)?

Want to love your wife/husband more? Today is a good day to start (January 1 is too long to wait).

Want to read the Bible all the way through in a year? January 1, 2011-January 1, 2012 isn’t the only 365-day stretch. November 16, 2010-November 16, 2011 works well too!

Want to get into better shape? It’s warmer now than in January, so go for a run today.

What’s my resolution, you ask? Memorize more Scripture. It’s something I’ve been good at in the past, but I’m guilty of not always maintaining. I want to have the hunger that the author of Psalm 119 has for God’s Word, and I’m not willing to wait another 46 days to get that started.

So that’s my November 16th Resolution. What’s yours?

Biblical counseling, not shrinks and “feelings”

Years ago when I worked as a youth pastor, I would get calls every once in a while from other youth pastors around the state and nation, asking what we used as our curriculum. As a youth pastor, I taught the same curriculum to middle schoolers as our pastor taught to the adults. We use this really great compilation book. It’s written by about 40 different authors, so it’s very diverse in its reach and ideas, but it’s amazing how it all fits together so well. Although it’s been around for awhile, it’s surprisingly relevant and very current. It’s one of those books, that no matter how many times you read it, you can always go back and get something new out of it.

It’s called The Bible.

If you’ve been to a service at Awaken, one thing that should have stood out to you is that we put a high priority on Bible teaching. We do that for a reason – it’s God’s Word, so we act like it!

Not only do we use it as our teaching “curriculum,” but also our guide book for counseling.

When I say “counseling,” if you immediately think of lying on a couch, describing your feelings, while listening to soothing music, you’re thinking the wrong thing. Although you may sit (not lie down) on a couch, this is Biblical counseling. Anyone can give you “practical tips” on how improve your marriage, keep your kids in line, and have a happy life. We don’t offer “tips” though. We refer you back to God’s Word (which was given to us to provide all the Godly counsel and wisdom we need – 2 Timothy 3:16-17).

Here are a few things you may not know about Biblical counseling at Awaken:

- it’s FREE (no insurance needed)!

- it’s practical and relevant

- it’s available for any age or gender

- we also offer couples counseling and pre-marital counseling

- one-on-one counseling is available, as well as family counseling

Since we offer Biblical counseling, expect the hard truths from God’s Word, as well as the comfort that it provides. We’d be happy to meet with you and discuss what’s going on in your life and what God’s Word has to say about it. If you’re interested in more information, leave a comment below or email us at info@awakenchurch.org. God’s Word has all the answers we need, and we’d love to help you discover and apply the truth! I’ve personally watched God’s Word transform lives, marriages, and families, and I’ve even had the privilege of leading people to Christ when they come in for counsel!

 

I married my best friend

I know it sounds like something you’re supposed to say: “I married my best friend,” but for me, it’s true. I really did.

I met Jenn at a summer camp that I worked at in the summer of 2002. I walked in as she and the worship team were warming up for worship that night, and I was hooked. Not only was she beautiful, but so was her voice! I made it a point to “casually” hang out with her that week and get to know her a bit. I had no idea what the future held!

We ended up at the same church together while I attended the School of Ministry. She worked on staff and she “just so happened” to run into me every once in a while. I ended up volunteering for a concert that she was running, and that was the weekend that clinched it. Not only was she beautiful, fun to hang out with, and loved the Lord, but she also loved Mexican food. She had to be the one!

I had regrets from past relationships when I met Jenn, and I purposed from the start that this one would be different. I didn’t want to waste her time or mine, and I didn’t need my heart broken or to feel the guilt of breaking someone else’s heart. So I prayed. A lot. I told God that I didn’t want to waste our time together, and that if she wasn’t the one, to please let me know NOW. However, I also prayed that if she was the one for me, that God would confirm it to me. Every time I prayed that prayer, I felt like God was saying, “I am confirming it.”

Every time we got together was a joy. We often met at a restaurant before church and talked about what God had been teaching us that week. At the time, I played bass in a band, so I ended up playing bass with Jenn as she led worship for the middle school and high school youth groups at church.

On December 19, 2002, I asked her to be my wife. From our first date, we made a decision to save our first kiss for our wedding day. By God’s grace, we pulled it off, and on November 7, 2003, we shared our very first kiss EVER right after we said our vows! It was so worth the wait!

Little did I know that when I said my vows that day, not only was I marrying my best friend, but also my prayer partner, my biggest support, my encourager, and the worship leader of our future church! God knew, but I had no idea!

Here goes another cliche – are you ready? I can honestly say that I love her more today than I did 7 years ago when I married her. I know, I know, it sounds like something I’m supposed to say. I can assure you that I feel no pressure to say it – it’s true. I know her better today than I did 8 years ago when we met, and although she has her flaws, her strengths and inner (and outer) beauty outshine them all! The amazing thing is that she’s put up with me for this long!

It truly is a privilege to be married to a woman like Jenn who is there to encourage me and keep me in line, and whose love for Jesus pushes me to love Him more as well. I couldn’t ask for anything more in a wife or the mother of our children.

Jenn, I love you. Here’s to 77 more years (yes, that means we’d be 104 years old, but I’m ok with that!)!

Maybe we’d look like this?

Covering my tracks

Here’s a post I did for HeartSupport in September. It wasn’t easy to type, but it’s necessary to talk about. If you know of someone struggling with porn or lust in general, email them a link to this blog or refer them to HeartSupport.com to get help with their addiction.

HERE is a link to this blog on the HeartSupport website.

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I don’t know about you, but one day I got tired of making up who I was.

I got tired of covering my tracks and hoping nobody found out about my secret.

I got tired of not being able to be who I really was because I was ashamed of who I had become.

Being a tech-savvy guy is a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing because of the world it opens up right in front of me, but it’s a curse for the same reason. When it came to porn, I could find anything I wanted online. They say you have to be 18 to view porn. 18 is when I stopped viewing porn, after years of addiction. It became a routine and eventually an addiction for me because I got good at covering my tracks. I knew exactly what to erase on my hard drive and my browser, what links not to click on, which sites had the best content, and how to act like everything was fine at church the next morning. I know, it’s disgusting; but that’s who I was…and that’s who a lot of people still are today.

Whenever somebody said they wanted to “talk,” I thought for sure I was caught. I would sweat and worry and lose sleep until we got together to talk. Unfortunately (though I was glad at the time), the talk was almost never about my problem – it was about something different entirely.

Covering my tracks became a way of life.

That’s who I used to be.

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Things are different now. Someone else covers my tracks for me. His name is Jesus. When I finally became tired of that lifestyle and weary of trying to be who I was not, I gave up. Jesus gave me the promise of covering my tracks for me, but not in the deceptive way I had done in the past, where I was afraid of who I was. His method was different. He covered my tracks and forgave me of my actions; then He enabled me to boldly face what I had done!

There’s a similar story in the Bible of a runaway slave, named Onesimus. Before he knew Christ, he was a thief and a nuisance to his master, Philemon. When he gave his life to Christ, though, things changed. Paul wrote the letter Philemon because he was sending Onesimus back to Philemon. With his new relationship with Christ, Onesimus was now empowered to confidently face what he had done.

God wants to do the same for you today. Here’s how it works…

1) Stop looking at porn, having sex outside of marriage, and lusting in general. That’s not God’s will for you (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). I know that it’s one thing to blog that and another thing to do it. Believe me – I tried for years. Don’t give up though – I’m an example of the fact that it’s possible. Turn that over to God and be done with it today. No matter the price or the consequences, it’s worth it.

2) Allow God to cover your tracks instead of you faking it for yourself. You can only cover your tracks so much. God can really cover them.

3) Boldly face your past. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary. It’s also liberating to remember back to who you were, then see where God has taken you.

4) Don’t be quiet about it. I wonder how many less years I would have spent drowning in lust had I known that I wasn’t alone in my struggle. I wish someone else would have spoken up and been honest about who they had been.

It’s not easy to blog about this stuff. I hate who I was and the lifestyle I used to lead. My wife can’t always read the blogs I write for HeartSupport – it’s hard for her to think about who I was too. We’re both thankful that my tracks are covered by Jesus now, and although there’s still shame, there’s also forgiveness and new growth.

I’m a pastor; and I use my past with porn to help others put porn in their past.